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How often do you say “no” to things that would interfere with your goals?

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This word may be living under a rock for some. In some parts of the US and depending on gender, it may be non-existant.

The word “No” is a natural negation. For this reason, it may be perceived as a negative word. That doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing.

In people pleasing 101, the word “no” is often replaced with other phrases like, “not right now”, “I’m sorry”, “we’ll get to that later”, “did I say no…I meant yes”, and the infamous “oop, sorry”.

There may be a tendency to avoid the word no altogether.

“Honey, did you want lima beans with that?”

“Thanks, but I’ll pass.”

When you think about it, being able to find so many ways to avoid disappointment is a craft.

Personally, I’ve struggled to use the word. There is much to say for inherent accountability in which I decline the opportunity to give a flat-out “NO.” I’m often reminded that “it’s my job“, and “I have to“.

Chris Farley air quotes aside, I’ve been advised to start saying “no” more often and get good at it. I admittedly would fail a “NO” quiz. A how-to-deny-requests in a people-pleasing quiz…Oh, I’d ace that 100 percent!

The desire to serve others and selflessly sacrifice, combined with stigma around perception of too much self-service, paves the way for people pleasing in addition to a denial of No’s which by proxy is a yes (because of the double negative).

Not that servitude is something we should lose sight of, or sacrifice for our own sake, but being able to advocate or champion for oneself is super critical because most of the time, nobody else will police that for you.

When you’ve reached your limit, you must be able to say so. When you’re not truly willing to do a thing, you must say so.

Final thoughts… NO away, from here on out!